Boundaries

   

 I truly apologize for such a late post in regards to our most recent meeting. This past month's topic was Boundaries. Such a huge and broad topic to discuss however we were able to pinpoint the essentials. Boundaries are defined as personal guidelines or limits one may create to define their personal lifestyle. Appropriate limits can be identified for different relationships (family, friends, professional, romantic). Setting boundaries is essential to remain physically and emotionally healthy, however it's never easy to decide when, where or how they should be set. The 10 helpful steps below 
(source: http://www.lifecoachingforchristianwomen.com), serve as just general guidelines to help you step in the right direction.

Ten Key Principles in Setting Boundaries

1.  Seek God’s will – Listen to God, not others. “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.” Proverbs 29:25

2.  Love their soul – Love is not taking the easy way out by being “nice.”  Nice is an American concept, love is the biblical goal.

3.  Love sincerely – Love is the key ingredient in every relationship. When you love someone, everything you do is for him and nothing you do or say comes from a vengeful or punishing perspective.

4.  Have supportive relationships – Surround yourself with godly friends who will encourage and support you in doing the right thing.

5.  Take responsibility for your own actions – Rarely is the problem the fault of only one person. If you own your part of the problem, the other person will be more likely to accept your boundaries.

6.  Invite them to change – The first step in confronting someone should never be a limit, but always an invitation to change.

7.  Warn them – If you just set limits out of the blue, this person may feel ambushed and become angry at you. A warning, on the other hand, gives her a choice.

8. Be patient – A warning, if not accompanied with patience, is an ultimatum. Patience means providing the ingredients for growth while allowing that person time to respond.             

9. Follow through with consequences – Remember that consequences have nothing to do with anger, revenge, or punishment. They are there to protect you and to help this person deal with the reality of her actions. 

10. Practice continual forgiveness – Don’t give negative attitudes a chance to grow – practice forgiveness day by day.

During the meeting, a few examples were given just to get the group flowing with ideas on how they would react in certain situations. Here is one example we used:

1.  Jessica always goes to Nicole when she hears the latest gossip. Nicole knows that gossiping is wrong but she feels bad not “listening” to her friend. How can she avoid gossiping with Jessica but still remain friends.

  *Change the subject if you see where it’s going.

  *Confront the issue head on and say, "I’d love to talk about anything else as long as it’s not about someone else or their drama.

In any situation, you must be strong enough to stand firm in your decision because there will always be testing moments.Lastly we had a more personal activity. Before setting your boundaries, you should be able to recognize where and how they have been crossed in the first pl ace and diffrent  ways you'd like to fix them. The girls worked individually and were given writing utensils and construction paper. On one side they wrote boundaries that had been crossed and the other they wrote ideas on how to fix them. Because some things can get really personal, they were asked to share at least one more general situation and their plan of action on how to fix it. We're all for respecting people's privacy but some things do need to be shared in order to help one another. You never know when someone may be having a similar issue and your solution just may be the answer they need! Sharing testimonies and ideas is a very important part of building each other up and that is the exact reason we are here! This meeting was great because we were able to share ideas and offer advice to those who werent sure how to set limits for certain situations. God does call us to love one another and put each other first HOWEVER that is not grounds for us to accept just about anything and be doormats, we're children of God for crying out loud! Let us know our worth and set proper boundaries! xoxo

Other announcements: Thanks to all our supporters we were able to sell 51 shirts out of our goal of 50!!! We raised $204.00 and everything will be going towards supplies and other S.A.V.E.D. activities. The shirts will be handed out at our next meeting : September 20th!! If you cant make it, please contact Benine Mudymba via email: bmudymba08@gmail.com.

       Upcoming events: Next meeting: September 20th @ 6:00 pm

                                        UNOW (United Night of Worship) : September 28th - perfect opportunity for us to show off our shirts and enjoy a great worship experience, you dont want to miss it!!! Check out our facebook for more information (www.facebook.com/saved13.org).